20.2.06
13.2.06
2.2.06
Pregnancy Q & A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. and...
the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. and...
the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
9.1.06
8.1.06
Yoohoo, big Q loves us!
I thought you might find this interesting. It's Quentin Tarantino on Conan talking about his Icelandic Newyears experience. WILD! :D
16.10.05
Inside a man's mind
1. I'm going fishing with the guys.
I'm going to get very drunk and then stand by a river with some weird stick in my hand.
2. Do you want me to help you with making dinner?
Why isn't my meal on the table aready?
3. Yes darling, of course sweetheart.
This doesn't really mean anything, it's genetically intergraded into the male brain.
4. It would take too long to explain it to you
I haven't the faintest idea about how this stuff works.
5. Rest for a minute darling, you're working too hard.
The vacuum cleaner is too loud for me to hear the TV.
6. That's so interesting honey.
You're still talking?
7. Oh you know how bad my memory is getting.
I can sing along to each and every Metallica song, I remember the phone number of the first girl I slept with as well as all the registration numbers on all the cars I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
8. I was just thinking of you and got you these flowers.
The florist is hot!
9. I have my reasons for doing this!
And I'm hoping I'll figure some out soon.
10. What did I do now?
How much do you know?
11. I did hear what you said.
I don't have any idea about what you said and I'm hoping I'll be able to get away with it so you won't be mad at me for three days.
12. You know I could never love another woman!
I've gotten used to your bad temper and I know it could be a lot worse.
13. You look great in that!
...actually you look horrible, but I'm really hungry and I want to get to the restaurant before it closes!
14. No, I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are!
They'll never find us alive.
15. We divide the household chores.
I make a mess and you clean.
I'm going to get very drunk and then stand by a river with some weird stick in my hand.
2. Do you want me to help you with making dinner?
Why isn't my meal on the table aready?
3. Yes darling, of course sweetheart.
This doesn't really mean anything, it's genetically intergraded into the male brain.
4. It would take too long to explain it to you
I haven't the faintest idea about how this stuff works.
5. Rest for a minute darling, you're working too hard.
The vacuum cleaner is too loud for me to hear the TV.
6. That's so interesting honey.
You're still talking?
7. Oh you know how bad my memory is getting.
I can sing along to each and every Metallica song, I remember the phone number of the first girl I slept with as well as all the registration numbers on all the cars I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
8. I was just thinking of you and got you these flowers.
The florist is hot!
9. I have my reasons for doing this!
And I'm hoping I'll figure some out soon.
10. What did I do now?
How much do you know?
11. I did hear what you said.
I don't have any idea about what you said and I'm hoping I'll be able to get away with it so you won't be mad at me for three days.
12. You know I could never love another woman!
I've gotten used to your bad temper and I know it could be a lot worse.
13. You look great in that!
...actually you look horrible, but I'm really hungry and I want to get to the restaurant before it closes!
14. No, I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are!
They'll never find us alive.
15. We divide the household chores.
I make a mess and you clean.
3.10.05
FIASCO
After the very weird occurences of last Saturday night I have set myself a few groundrules concerning partying:
#1 I shall not go out again until I've purchased a new mobile phone.
#2 I shall not leave the club where my friends are hanging out, unless I know for certain that they in fact are leaving as well!
#3 I shall never go to the club "Vegamót" again
#4 I shall always, always wear a big sign around my neck saying: "I have a boyfriend. Disgustingly drunk and rude men may stay far away from me and not even contemplate coming over to drool down the neckline of my dress!" - in nine different languages!
#5 I make plans to get home which don't involve taking a taxi!
I'm not in any way sure that I'll be able to stick to any of these new rules, but a girl's gotta have goals, right?
Explanation #1: My mobile phone is turning into some sort of wicked pile of electronic shit - it shuts itself off whenever it feels like taking some time off, it's also convinced that it knows better than me which numbers I should dial or which letters I should write in my messages! Not only that, but the phone decides whether those messages get sent at all or to the right person! It also sees fit to pick out which messages from others I get and which I don't. So yeah, I'm kind of thinking I need a new phone!
Explanation #2: Me and my friends were sitting at this club, having a very good time, when the table we were sitting at got snatched from under our elbows, to make room for the heaps of people who had filled up the club in a marvellously short time! Well since I didn't really have anything better to do, I decided to go to the bathroom... Let me just tell you what it's like to "just go to the bathroom" in a club as crowded as this one was! That whole little toilet trip took me around one hour because not only was there a HUGE queue, but every time it looked like I was next in line to the liberating heaven of releasing the bladder-pressure, some bitches (of the type who believe that just because they're taller and thinner than you, somehow they have a greater right to pee) came and squeezed into the bathroom in front of me! Finally I got very angry, grabbed the bra strap of one of those bitches and sent her my "if-you-go-into-this-bathroom-right-now-I-shall-brake-your-neck"-look! She decided to wait, but not before sending me her "who-does-that-chick-think-she-is?"-look.
Well finally I got into the bathroom and could make my bladder (whick by this time was probably the size of a basketball) very happy!
Ok, so when I came out of the bathroom again I started searching for my friends, but I couldn't find them anywhere. I remembered them saying something about going to another club just as our table was ripped away from us, so I decided to go out and try to locate them. When I got out I noticed that probably around 100 people were queued outside, waiting to get into the club. For some reason it reminded me a lot of the breadlines I saw on the news from the old Soviet Union when I was a kid. For some reason all of the "I-am-so-much-better-than-you"-people had decided that Saturday night was THE night to go out and apparently all of them wanted to be in that club in particular. I've never liked people who see themselves as beeing better than others, so I was very happy to get out of that meat market! So anyway... I was outside in the fresh air now, walking around, sending messages and trying to call my friends, but I never got any answers! I was pretty disappointed, so I just found a club that didn't seem too crowded (it's called Nelly's), got in, bought a beer and sat down. I continued trying to send messages all over the place but much like before, I didn't get any messages back. I never found the girls again that night!
Explanation #3: Well, I think I managed to describe the situation in that club pretty well in explanation #2, so I guess there's nothing much to add. I simply don't feel very well around snobby people! Oh, yeah and when the DJ started playing Justin Timberlake, the little hope I had for that club just died!!
Explanation #4: When I, in my most innocent of mindsets, was sitting at Nelly's trying desperately to get in contact with my friends, there were four Icelandic drunks who came up to me, and for some very strange reason thought I found it extremely charming to have someone drool on my neck, grab my breasts or hear them shout "Viltu koma með mér inn á baðherbergi svo ég geti sýnt þér á mér tillann?" (loosely translated: do you want to come to the bathroom with me so I can show you my penis?) in my ear! Also, some six tourists found reason to assume that just because I was sitting in a club - alone, I was either:
a) looking for a one night stand
b) looking for a heartbroken tourist who could tell me all about how unhappy he is with his wife
c) a prostitute!
I finally gave up on all of this and just headed home to bed, I had become more than a little irritated and that's probably not a good foundation to build a fun night out on!
Explanation #5: For some reason, it looked like the biggest part of the Icelandic population decided to hit downtown Reykjavik that night, so it was pretty much impossible to get a taxi! I don't really understand this. There was, to my knowledge, nothing special going on, only a regular weekend! I guess I may never find that out, but in any case, there was a line for the taxis which I had to stand in for 45 minutes in the pouring rain and the typical "coming-from-all-directions-imaginable"-Icelandic wind! When I finally made it into the taxi I was so tired/sad/disappointed I felt most like crying my eyes out, but fortunately I didn't. I got home at around 4AM, wet to the bone and cold as hell, but very happy about having made it there!
So, that's the end of the explanations. But guess what! When I woke up yesterday morning and looked at my phone, I had received 18 messages!! So at around 8:40 in the morning, my darling of a mobile phone had decided that it was time for me to get them! By reading what is written in the messages, I have a feeling the night would have turned out in an entirely different (and much more fun) way if I had gotten them right away!
#1 I shall not go out again until I've purchased a new mobile phone.
#2 I shall not leave the club where my friends are hanging out, unless I know for certain that they in fact are leaving as well!
#3 I shall never go to the club "Vegamót" again
#4 I shall always, always wear a big sign around my neck saying: "I have a boyfriend. Disgustingly drunk and rude men may stay far away from me and not even contemplate coming over to drool down the neckline of my dress!" - in nine different languages!
#5 I make plans to get home which don't involve taking a taxi!
I'm not in any way sure that I'll be able to stick to any of these new rules, but a girl's gotta have goals, right?
Explanation #1: My mobile phone is turning into some sort of wicked pile of electronic shit - it shuts itself off whenever it feels like taking some time off, it's also convinced that it knows better than me which numbers I should dial or which letters I should write in my messages! Not only that, but the phone decides whether those messages get sent at all or to the right person! It also sees fit to pick out which messages from others I get and which I don't. So yeah, I'm kind of thinking I need a new phone!Explanation #2: Me and my friends were sitting at this club, having a very good time, when the table we were sitting at got snatched from under our elbows, to make room for the heaps of people who had filled up the club in a marvellously short time! Well since I didn't really have anything better to do, I decided to go to the bathroom... Let me just tell you what it's like to "just go to the bathroom" in a club as crowded as this one was! That whole little toilet trip took me around one hour because not only was there a HUGE queue, but every time it looked like I was next in line to the liberating heaven of releasing the bladder-pressure, some bitches (of the type who believe that just because they're taller and thinner than you, somehow they have a greater right to pee) came and squeezed into the bathroom in front of me! Finally I got very angry, grabbed the bra strap of one of those bitches and sent her my "if-you-go-into-this-bathroom-right-now-I-shall-brake-your-neck"-look! She decided to wait, but not before sending me her "who-does-that-chick-think-she-is?"-look.
Well finally I got into the bathroom and could make my bladder (whick by this time was probably the size of a basketball) very happy!
Ok, so when I came out of the bathroom again I started searching for my friends, but I couldn't find them anywhere. I remembered them saying something about going to another club just as our table was ripped away from us, so I decided to go out and try to locate them. When I got out I noticed that probably around 100 people were queued outside, waiting to get into the club. For some reason it reminded me a lot of the breadlines I saw on the news from the old Soviet Union when I was a kid. For some reason all of the "I-am-so-much-better-than-you"-people had decided that Saturday night was THE night to go out and apparently all of them wanted to be in that club in particular. I've never liked people who see themselves as beeing better than others, so I was very happy to get out of that meat market! So anyway... I was outside in the fresh air now, walking around, sending messages and trying to call my friends, but I never got any answers! I was pretty disappointed, so I just found a club that didn't seem too crowded (it's called Nelly's), got in, bought a beer and sat down. I continued trying to send messages all over the place but much like before, I didn't get any messages back. I never found the girls again that night!
Explanation #3: Well, I think I managed to describe the situation in that club pretty well in explanation #2, so I guess there's nothing much to add. I simply don't feel very well around snobby people! Oh, yeah and when the DJ started playing Justin Timberlake, the little hope I had for that club just died!!
Explanation #4: When I, in my most innocent of mindsets, was sitting at Nelly's trying desperately to get in contact with my friends, there were four Icelandic drunks who came up to me, and for some very strange reason thought I found it extremely charming to have someone drool on my neck, grab my breasts or hear them shout "Viltu koma með mér inn á baðherbergi svo ég geti sýnt þér á mér tillann?" (loosely translated: do you want to come to the bathroom with me so I can show you my penis?) in my ear! Also, some six tourists found reason to assume that just because I was sitting in a club - alone, I was either:
a) looking for a one night stand
b) looking for a heartbroken tourist who could tell me all about how unhappy he is with his wife
c) a prostitute!
I finally gave up on all of this and just headed home to bed, I had become more than a little irritated and that's probably not a good foundation to build a fun night out on!
Explanation #5: For some reason, it looked like the biggest part of the Icelandic population decided to hit downtown Reykjavik that night, so it was pretty much impossible to get a taxi! I don't really understand this. There was, to my knowledge, nothing special going on, only a regular weekend! I guess I may never find that out, but in any case, there was a line for the taxis which I had to stand in for 45 minutes in the pouring rain and the typical "coming-from-all-directions-imaginable"-Icelandic wind! When I finally made it into the taxi I was so tired/sad/disappointed I felt most like crying my eyes out, but fortunately I didn't. I got home at around 4AM, wet to the bone and cold as hell, but very happy about having made it there!So, that's the end of the explanations. But guess what! When I woke up yesterday morning and looked at my phone, I had received 18 messages!! So at around 8:40 in the morning, my darling of a mobile phone had decided that it was time for me to get them! By reading what is written in the messages, I have a feeling the night would have turned out in an entirely different (and much more fun) way if I had gotten them right away!
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