You better laugh!

(This took me an hour to translate, so you better laugh! -It's a little bit long though... )

A man was praying one night: ”My dear God, I’m a faithful servant of yours! I’m so tired of working all the time, I just wish that for one day I could trade places with my wife. Women don’t have to work so hard, they just have to hang out at home, maybe wipe the children’s noses every now and then. Please, God, let me trade – just for one day!”

The man was a true and kind Christian and didn’t ask God for things like this often, so he wasn’t really surprised when he woke up the next morning and realized God had granted him his wish. He was ecstatic, until he went to the bathroom and found a message from God written with fire on the toilet paper. It said:

“I have decided to grant you your wish. Now you must hurry up, put on your makeup and fix your hair, be in the kitchen before 6:30, make coffee, wake up your husband and your children, make breakfast for the whole family and lunch packs for those of them who need that. Then you must get everybody ready, drive your husband to work as well as the children to school and kindergarten. Then you shall take the youngest child home and change it’s diaper. Then you must do the dishes after breakfast, put on a load of laundry, fold the laundry that will now be dry from yesterday, iron what needs ironing, change the baby’s diaper again, breastfeed it, make the beds, unload the washing machine, hang up the laundry, give the baby it’s pacifier and reload the washing machine, put the baby down for it’s nap and use the time while it sleeps to vacuum-clean, mop the floors, dust the shelves and clean the toilet.

When the baby wakes up you shall have to change it’s diaper again (and you’ll have to change it’s clothes as well because it will have messed up the previous outfit) and breastfeed it. By then it will be around the time you’ll have to go pick one of the kids up from kindergarten. Do that and bring it home. Change it’s clothes because it’ll be filthy from playing in the mud. Unload the washing machine, hang up that load, take down that of the laundry which will be dry by then and then reload the machine. Fold laundry. Give the older child something to eat and when that’s finished you’ll have to go get the oldest child from school. Do that and bring it home. Help it with it’s homework while you change the youngest child, put the older one in shoes and make a shopping list. When your oldest has finished it’s homework yo may call your middle child and then give them a well balanced, nutricious meal. When that’s finished you’ll have to dress them all up again, because now it’s time to go shopping. Try to not scream at the children or abuse them physically while you shop – that will be a challenge, because they will try to do anything they can to irritate you –, get the groceries, the children and yourself to the register. Unfortunately you will find out that your kredidcard has been closed because your husband forgot to pay the bill. You will have to ask the cashier to wait while you call your husband from your cell phone and ask him to fix the mess. While you wait for that to happen you will notice that your youngest will have done a #2 in it’s diaper and it will begin to cry furiously. You will manage eventually to pay for the groceries and get all of your stuff (groceries, children and yourself) to the car. Then you’ll have to hurry home to change the youngest, you won’t have much time, though, because you’ll have to pick your husband up from work – so please HURRY!

Now it’s time to get your husband, try not to be late – and please remember that the fact the traffic is lousy isn’t your children’s fault – so please don’t take your frustration out on them. When you’ve gotten your husband home it will be time to make dinner. When everybody has eaten it will be time to get the middle child to bed and change the youngest yet again. You will also have to argue with the oldest child, because it will ask you for permission to spend the night at a friend’s place, something you really don’t want because there’s an alcohol problem in that family... And besides that, the child has to go to school in the morning! Nag on your husband for 45 minutes until he gets off his ass to mend the door that will be broken when the oldest child will slam the door. While he does that you must send the oldest child to bed, change the youngest and put in in it’s pyjamas, breastfeed it and get it to go to sleep. When that’s finished you shall take out the wet laundry from the machine, hang up the wet stuff, take down the dry stuff and fold it, and put on a new load. Now it will be time to do the dishes and clean the kitchen after dinner.

By now you’ll be able to take a breath and the house will seem somewhat quiet. But hang on... Your husband will ask you to be ‘ready’ when you get to bed – and of course you shall give him what he wants there. If you’re lucky (which I know you will be – after all, we’re talking about your husband, we both know what he’s like) the act will take only about 12 minutes. When he falls asleep you will go to the bathroom and wash yourself while you wait for the washing machine to finish. When it does you must hang up the wet clothes, take down the dry things and fold them and then put on another load of laundry. Then you can get the oldest child’s schoolbag ready for tomorrow, get the children’s clothes ready and then finish tidying up so it won’t be messy in the morning. When you’re finished with that you can brush your teeth and go to bed. Good luck!"


The man sat down on the toilet, stunned. He then decided to get started on God’s to-do list. He barely made it through the day and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, exhausted after all the work and with sore muscles after the sex. He managed to sleep for 2 x 3 hours (had to wake up and feed the youngest). The first thing he did when he woke up the next morning was to fall on his knees in the bathroom and beg God to change him back to a man.

Soon, the fire-writing appeard on the toilet paper:
“My dear son. I am very proud of how well you did yesterday, and I would like nothing more than to be able to grant you your wish this time. But unfortunately I can not. You will have to wait for about nine months, because – CONGRATULATIONS! You’re having a baby!”