Sorry babe!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with the blood-craving monster between their legs while women with their heart (I in fact don't know which one is worse).

For example, one evening last week, my boyfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, but I wasn't quite getting 'there' so I eventually said, "Honey, I don't feel like it tonight, I just want you to hold me." He said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" I just responded to his puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Ok, ok I admit, I'm sure it's what every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... But I went on: "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

I think he realized that nothing was going to happen that night so he went to sleep. The very next day he opted to take the day off of work to spend time with me. -Imagine my joy!
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. He walked around with me while I tried on several different very expensive outfits. I couldn't really decide which one to take so he told me he'd just buy them all. (!!) Then (of course) I wanted new shoes to compliment my new clothes, so he, out of the kindness of his heart, said "lets get a pair for each outfit!" Then we went on to the jewellery department where I picked out a pair of diamond earrings (a stunning pair I must add).

You can't believe how excited I was! I mean, seriously, I was nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation I finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

He could hardly contain himself when he blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

I guess my face just went completely blank as my jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

Then he said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while... You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." I'm sure I had this look like I was going to slowly kill him with a pair of old, rusty scissors, but he added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

APPARENTLY HE'S NOT GETTING ANY TONIGHT, EITHER!


(I have to add that this masterpiece isn't my own, I got it through email from a friend - and unfortunately the author is unknown. Please let me know if you're any wiser on his/her identity so I can give proper credit)